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Iapos;m curious...

Why is it hard to say what you mean or mean what you say?
Honesty is key, I know this, but that doesnapos;t count for much unfortunately.
I need more compact discs of music I love, like rocky votolato, coconut records, augustana, and modest mouse. I feel excited for the future...immediate and long term. I think if I wrap my head up in things for the entirety of winter I just may survive. I think I found my personal sunshine finally, and I found it in myself. Iapos;m happy to be alive at least.

My brain is too clouded and crazy to actually sit and just be. My journal misses me, I seem to only have time to update this one.

I feel like a major let down, in general.

I wrote a poem... But Iapos;m hesitant to post it. It may be taken the wrong way.

Itapos;s too cold to breathe I guess.

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For an individual who enjoys the thrill of
Being out on the open road coupled with an opportunity to make a
Living, then, possibly, being a professional truck driver may be the
Occupation for you. In addition, your truck driving team may consist of
You and your spouse. Also, many new professional drivers have seen this
Occupation as a viable second career.



However, there are many steps that need to be taken before a driver can
Obtain their commercial driver's license. One critical step, in this
Process, is by attending a commercial truck driving school.



Purpose



The purpose of a commercial truck driving school is to learn all there
Is to know about being a safe and conscientious professional driver.
The overall objective is to prepare truck drivers to be an important
Part of the transportation system and growth of the economy of their
Particular place of residence. This objective is not only important for
Your own safety, but for the safety of those that you would share the
Road with as well as the timely delivery of the goods that you would be
Carrying. Transportation of goods, via the trucking industry, is an
Integral part of a nation's healthy economy.



By attending a commercial truck driving school students will not only
Learn in a classroom environment, but will also get practical training
Behind the wheel of a big rig.



Curriculum



The curriculum of a commercial truck driving school includes a number
Of courses that are designed to instruct the student and facilitate
Their graduation as professional truck drivers. The courses are also
Designed to provide their students the necessary skills to obtain their
Commercial driver's license.



Some of these courses, within the curriculum of a commercial truck
Driving school, include a number of topics all designed to teach and
Equip the student with the ability to safely operate semi-trucks. Some
Of those topics include the proper procedures in backing up a
Semi-trailer to a loading dock, parallel parking, inspecting the
Equipment to ensure safe operation, etc.



Peripheral, but just as important topics include how to properly load
And unload cargo, maintaining a travel log, safety regulations for
Transporting the goods across various government lines, the effect of
Chemical substances upon the body while driving, and specific rules of
The road when operating a semi.



Career Opportunities



Some commercial truck driving schools will also help to employ their
Graduates from the driving school. In addition, some commercial truck
Driving schools are affiliated with trucking lines that will not only
Provide the training needed to become a professional truck driver, but
Will also provide opportunities for employment with their company.

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beastie boys - paul revere

I will give a rundown of last weekend and then go on to more recent stuff.

Marlee came back on Thursday. I went to her house right after school. We watched Evan Almighty and then I left because it was Rashsha*(fl$sdfk aka that jewish holiday so she ate dinner with her family and I was home. Then we met up later and watched The Office. I remember it being a great episode. The next day after school I met up with Marlee, Caitlin, and Rebecca at the soccer game. Marlee and I then ate some pizza and then watched the homecoming football game. It was one of my first football games and it was pretty fun. She caught up with a lot of people and it was nice to see everyone again. We left early and went back to my house for a while. The next day we went to the Apple Festival and ate some sweet food. I made a reference to Craig knocking over a baby while playing volleyball at someoneapos;s graduation party and then we saw him there We talked with him for a while and budged this huge line to get apple fritters. From there we went back to Marleeapos;s house and went in her hot tub. From there we wanted to go see a movie so we were going to see Nick Norahapos;s Infinite Playlist in Cortland but I had to go to the bathroom and I was in there for a while so we would have been late to that movie so instead we went to Carousel. The movie was pretty good. It was like Juno but better. It is a very good date movie. After that we ate some Chinese food and went back to her house and hung out for the rest of the night. On Sunday we hiked up Song Mountain. It was really nice. We then went back to my house and my mom made us dinner. Then we went to the movie store and then I wanted to go for a drive so I drove around 8 minutes up Truxton Hill. We rented Into The Wild and it was a great film. A little lengthy but I enjoyed it. Monday we hung out for a while and then went to half priced sushi night in Armory Square in downtown. Then we went back to her house for around an hour, hung out, said our goodbyes, and then I left. It wasnapos;t as hard to say goodbye as it was the first time.

This weekend has been alright. Friday night I didnapos;t really do anything. At all. Saturday I worked with Jerry. Jerry is the most random guy ever and made work not so bad. After work I got some pizza and went to the soccer game. I sat with Caitlin and Cody and chatted it up with them. They sort of invited me to this foreign exchange studentapos;s party tonight. I thought about it and I didnapos;t have anything else to do so I decided I would go. Well, that was a bad choice. It was in the middle of no where in Otisco and it was not fun at all. There were a lot of kids that are two years younger than me there. There was a bunch of kids my age there but no one who I felt the need to talk to. I spent around 45 minutes there and then I left. As I was leaving Jeff and Jordan just got there but I didnapos;t really care. I donapos;t think it was worth it, I was already pissed off and disappointed. That party made me realize how alone I am in Tully. Even moreso than before. Having someone you really care about 500 miles away only accounts for so much. Today Iapos;ve really been missing Marlee. I guess its just one of those days. Tonight I am going to the annual sing along show but Iapos;m not really looking forward to it for some odd reason. I think I am just feeling lonely. Weapos;ll see what happens, hopefully that show will put me in a good mood.

Other than feeling alone, things have been wonderful.
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big little people world zach

I donapos;t understand why restaurants are so cautious with parmesan cheese. Just leave it on the table for Christapos;s sake. They treat it like itapos;s some sort of sacred possession they canapos;t afford to waste. I hate having to ask for it more than once and I know they must dislike having to do it over again. Just leave it on the table and everyone will be happy.

The Happening was such a piece of shit. I hate M. Night Shymalan. I might be able to excuse some of films if he wasnapos;t such an arrogant bastard. Admittedly, The Sixth Sense was a pretty good movie but since than every movie has gotten worse. During Lady In The Water I honestly had to ask myself "is this really happening?" or "am I dreaming this?". Again, if he just put the movie out I would just consider it a bad movie but he constantly raved about how it was breaking genres and how revolutionary it was. Fuck him.

�I never know what to do with my arms when I am standing. Generally Iapos;ll just keep them in my pockets but when I donapos;t everything seems so forced. Like when I am walking I feel that I literally have to swing them to give off the appearance that it is natural.

I donapos;t understand why everyone goes on about the beach. Maybe just because I live close and it is not a big deal for me to go down there but I actually dislike it to an extent. The water is always really cold and afterwords you get sand in places you didnapos;t think were possible. Even though it is always foggy out there, I still manage to get sunburned regardless of how much suntan lotion I put on. And finally, the people. Fuck the people at the beach. I never go to the really popular beaches so the crowds are much different. They consist of miserable twats who sit in their RVapos;s drinking beers and eating hot dogs. They blast Lynard Skynard while coddling their obese wives. It disgusts me. And I hate people who consider the beach a form of meditation. Itapos;s not. Nothing about it is peaceful. It winds me up.
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evolution lancer 9

Sooooo, I think itapos;s past time for me to have a real LJ�post.

I am sooooo tired. I have out writing on hold and I barely have time to sit down and read books anymore because of school, after-school stuff, work, papers and all these damn TV shows Jeez, they just grow out of thin air, seriously. N___n;

School has been... Interesting. I really hate going everyday. If I could work 24 hours a day all week instead of going?�I mean, I think I would end up enjoying that more than school. Iapos;ve just completely lost any drive for it. Same with writing. Same with drawing. Same with reading, too, I just want to do nothing when I do have free time.

Iapos;m so blah.

Family life has been up and down as per usual, but everything is very tense in this house and in every other house that my family occupies... Except for one. But theyapos;re perpetually happy anyway. The main problem right now?�My brother. MAJORLY. He totally caused me to have a breakdown last night. He is making this particular time of year much worse than any of us need it to be. But I donapos;t want to go into it, because Iapos;d rather pretend it isnapos;t happening.

If you couldnapos;t tell?�Work is amazing. I love it and I love the people there hearts; I have never felt more at home out here than I do right now at my workplace, weapos;re like one huge family, always bickering and joking around... And of course we actually fight quite a bit, but working for eight hours with moody people tends to make one moody as well, I think... So this has been a very good thing for me, definitely.

But I really need to start picking up on all this reading and writing and stuff -- I donapos;t want to be losing interest in these things I think Iapos;m just so tired and depressed over family and friend shit still, I have no drive.

Got to get it back. ;)
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"i been there, i seen my hopes and dreams lying on the ground..."


man, this past week has been fucking weird.
nothing really notable from the last week, except the same old bullshit.
the realization that i need to quit my job at vivendi and focus on school
cuz this term is gonna be hard as fuck. I wanna put all my focus into
school until the end of my last year and graduate with good enough
grades and prepared enough to get a cool job in the industry.

well anyway, yesterday was the last day of school for like tons of
people at work. It kinda sucked everyone was all bummed and sad.

BUT

at lunch we all went out to the tavern to get food and drinks and
EVERYONE got fucking SLOSHED

shit was mad chill. Even my floor leads and supervisors and one
of my ex bosses was there, everyone was drinking and chilling.
after that, we all went back to work 30 minutes late drunk as fuck haha.

im really, really gonna miss this job...i hope i stay in contact
with everyone.

man, i got so much shit on my mind. Everything is the same, yet
everything is changing so quickly, times are rough too.

i find happiness in certain people(one person specifically), and in
certain things. Iapos;ve just been thinking about how much im changing and
have changed over the year. How much everything else has changed.

im just going with the flow i guess...well see where i go right now.
iapos;ve worked really hard in the past 6 months, it feels kinda nice
to not really have a plan and just go with what comes up.
as long as i can focus on school and have my cool friends
im fine with how things will be...

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Ennui Sally


Hyper-focused your hocus-pocus,
until the sun began to bleed.
Bled the color from
my life, and all thatapos;s left
is grey, grey, grey.

Scratching and brittle
little by little,
convergent winds threaten
to sweep whatapos;s left
away, away, away.

This fragile thing
wide-eyed and tired
is crawling inside my chest
scavenging in left of the middle.
Stuck inside the
fray, fray, fray.

Thereapos;s an echo of you there,
bouncing from bone to bone.
Each pass spurning a wince,
causing a tear with blood pumping
yet wanting to
stray, stray, stray.

Heart-shaped contusion,
weary illusion.
Go and go and go away.

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Yay� It depends on my x-ray in the morning to be sure that I stayed stable without the chest tube and donapos;t need lasix or more fluid drained.� I feel really great.� I took the pain pill about an hour before the tube was pulled, and it wasnapos;t too bad.� The worst part was having the stitches taken out because I had swelled up some so they were tight.� Pulling on those was uncomfortable.� Ouch.� I was told to lie down for a half an hour, but I decided to lie down for an hour.� I just wanted to be sure everything was fine.� I get paranoid about gaping wounds. LOL� GrammyRose saw Dr. R on her way out, and he even said the plan was for me to go home tomorrow. :)� My Transplant Coordinator called me tonight to verify some meds, and she has already set things up with the pharmacy that will provide my post transplant meds.� I will not be released until I have all of my meds.� They donapos;t ever want someone to leave without the major anti-rejection and immunosuppresant drugs with them.� I will get gadget stuff too such as a blood pressure monitor.� I have to do vitals and chart them twice a day.� I also have to weigh every morning.� It will�be interesting to see the trends.� (There is some kid out in the hall hollering� Umm...hello it is getting dark and people are probably not enjoying the noise)� I get to practice a shower in the morning. LOL� I canapos;t wait to see what kind of a mess I make.� I have had to washcloth bathe the whole time the tubes were in, and I am looking forward to getting really, really clean (Okay, I think that kid is throwing a tantrum now)� I will probably not be released until 2:00 p.m. Or later because the pharmacy apparently delivers in early afternoon.� So I will be nice and clean and ready for home.� :D� I will have my first post-transplant Clinic visit on Monday morning at 7:30 a.m., so I at least get a�weekend reprieve. :P� I have to take all the meds and my chart with me to every visit in my super secret club bag.� The pulmonary rehab should start almost immediately I think.� I will be coming over about 4-5 days a week for a while for all the clinic visits and rehab appts.� Rehab therapy goes on for about 3 months.� I would like to cut that down to about 2 months by working on it at home, so that will be my first goal.� I get to finally celebrate my birthday on Sunday with Chipotle and GrammyRoseapos;s homemade applesauce cake.� Yummy� I had jokingly said that I was going to celebrate my birthday for the month of September.� I think it was even better than that :D
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dr holt

WTF, you ask?

And well you might

Creative writing is indeed...creative. The prompt? "Two lovers, and the obstacle that they must overcome."

Imagine the conversation between me and my friend It went something like this:

Paul: What about them being separated by land and water?
Me: What?
Paul: Wait, that was the little Mermaid, wasnapos;t it?
Me: Yep. So now what?
Paul: Not a clue.

[20 minutes later...]

Paul: Two garden gnomes
Me: Separated by the garden path

[Insert mad laughter here...]

And so the story of the two love-struck Gnomes was created. Or rather, it was considered. Now, we have to write it.

Tried many ways to make it sound respectable, but weapos;ve both failed miserably

So, my version will be told as a apos;Willow Patternapos;-esque tale of longing, but with a happy ending, and Paulapos;s version will be for comedic reasons only

May well post them on here (avec his permission) after theyapos;re finished. Or started, as the case may be.

Wish me luck?

/respectability as a writer.

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